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Tiffany Haddish was just about all any of us need to be taking out of 2017. In one blockbuster year, she proved she’s the queen of late night TV interviews, she was the comedic highlight of the year in film, and her rise as standup and author was unstoppable. Laura Dern may be ruling the cosmos but down here on Earth last year, these streets belong to Tiffany. The powerhouse shows no signs of stopping her multi-platform domination in 2018, coming out with an interview in the New York Times that is literally everything I need. It’s only the 2nd of January but both my vision board and my soul are full.

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Every word that this woman says in this interview is gold. Can we take E Pluribus Unum off of the money and just put a link to a Tumblr where all her best quotes are collected? Honey, forget about Bitcoin; the value of the dollar would shoot through the roof with the addition of every Haddish bon mot. Somebody call that Hamburglar who’s running the Treasury and tell him I have an idea.

Perhaps more important, every word is brilliant life guidance. If you live your 2018 like Tiffany Haddish is living every single moment, you’re good, boo. Let’s take a look at some of the wisdom Tiffany is blessing us with:

Celebrate Yourself!

Tiffany starts the interview by literally singing her own praises. Cara Buckley asks her to reflect on her “dizzying” year. Tiffany’s response: “I wouldn’t say it like that. It’s more like [breaking into song] finally it is happening to me, right in front of my face and I know I’m excited. Finally it’s happening to me, after all the hard work and now it’s paying off. I just made that up.”

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She gives you a little CeCe Peniston moment and then puts a self-affirming cherry on top. Who put in the work? She put in the work and don’t you forget it. I love that she says “I just made that up” at the end. Is she talking about the new lyrics or the whole song itself? Honestly, if Tiffany Haddish claimed that she was the author of one of the iconic 90s club hits, I’d believe it.

Get Your Priorities Right!

Tiffany talks about her jam-packed December schedule, which included The View, The Daily Show, and Good Morning America in quick succession. She continues, “I got to dance with George [Stephanopoulos]. I‘m going to “Sesame Street” today. It’s a dream come true. I always wanted to meet the puppets.”

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That is the only appropriate response. We all love Whoopi and Trevor Noah but everybody knows that your life isn’t complete until you shake Grover’s hand. That’s just facts. It’s in the Constitution.

Snitching Is Back!

When asked if she’s had to deal with sexual harassment in Hollywood she’s blithe at first, “Girl, yeah. I’m a beautiful woman.” Then she details her methods for combatting it. “I always make fun of the guy… And I let everyone know I’m a tattletale. That I will snitch.”

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Win Awards You’ve Never Heard Of!

This is probably the best you can do for yourself: win an award you did not know existed. Preferably one with a cash prize attached but whatever, do you. When asked about winning the New York Film Critics Circle award for Best Supporting Actress, Tiffany responds “I didn’t know that existed. I had to ask people, ‘What is the importance of it?'”

Beloveds, live your life so excellently that shiny plaques and statuettes arrive at your doorstep from strangers you’ve never met voting for an honor you have to Google. This is truly succeeding.

And then there’s this, the most excellent sign-off to any interview ever.

Tiffany Haddish doesn’t care who you are, she wants you to have a million dollars. Or whatever. Something magical. Manifest that, girl. Manifest it!

Follow R. Eric Thomas on Twitter.





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